The Other Side of the Mirror
Who's the most foolish of them all?

by Christopher Wanbli

Discuss this in our online forums

Just for a moment, imagine yourself an American living in Europe. I'm not talking about an extended vacation. I'm talking about living in a house, say, in Italy, having a full-time job which means working with, and mixing & mingling every day with Italians—having Italian friends and neighbors and learning to speak Italian the best you can.

To some, this might seem entirely out of the question, even scary. To others, it might seem like an opportunity of a lifetime. It depends entirely on how open-minded you are.

No matter how you felt about living in another country before, eventually the realization will set in that you are now the "furriner," the immigrant. And like it or not, you must adhere to their laws and customs now.

Anyone stupid enough to be bombastically nationalistic about being an American here just makes himself or herself look like an ass—not to mention a moving target.

As you may have guessed, my wife & I live in Italy. We're stationed at a U.S. military base here. Because we coexist with Italians, we don't have the luxury (or desire) to behave like a typical spoiled American, that is, unless we don't mind being told "Baciami il culo!" (Kiss my ass!). After living here for 3 years, I've come to realize just how spoiled I was as an American. Herein lies the key point to this article—perspective.

I titled this article "The Other Side of the Mirror" for many different reasons. The most obvious reason is because I'm now on the other side of the pond, seeing how others see US. This can be very revealing—and also very disconcerting.

Before I arrived in Italy, I had always heard about people saying that as Americans, we were very spoiled and pampered and not really knowing what to think. I guess I had never paid enough attention to how I took for granted some of the little things. For example, phrases like "Open 24/7," living in homes that have central air, garbage disposals, ceiling fans and screens I didn't have to install myself. But that was just the beginning. The more time I spent out & about in the area among my Italian neighbors, the more unfortunate differences also began to dawn on me.

What I discovered about Italians was that they love their family, especially bambinis dearly. They don't dread family reunions like many families in the states. They love a good party and make our parties seem like a 5-year old's birthday. They cherish a fine wine and are far more environmentally minded than we are.

Italians have a sweet disposition. Just about any old lady would be willing to adopt you and feed you until you're bursting if you are just simply nice to her. Remember kindness? Compassion? It's all over the place here.

Let me also put in a good word for "Old Europe" (listen up, Rumsfeld). I've been to Munich. And Paris. And both the Germans and the French are just as sweet, polite, hospitable, and open-minded as their Italian neighbors.

It is said that those things that we hate most about someone, we hate in ourselves. Those same traits that we can't stand are, in effect, mirrored back at us. It's a hard pill to swallow, but since being here, my mind has been opened to how many Americans tend to be.

We do, in fact, tend to be rude, often without even realizing it. We also tend to be loud and obnoxious too. That's just American society. Just sitting around at a bar here in the local area, it's easy to pick out the Americans amongst other Italians, because we're so loud. I've noticed that as Americans, we also tend to be very pushy and arrogant, when having to deal with Italians, and at the very least, condescending. As much as I hate to admit it, I was guilty of this too, until I realized what a closed-minded stronzo (asshole) I was being.

We, as Americans, tend to be "patriotic" far beyond the point of healthy, even to the very definition of nationalism. It's one thing to have a healthy amount of pride in one's country. It's another thing entirely to not accept that your country is fallible. That your country is capable of making mistakes. Even big ones.

Not admitting our blatant inability to recognize our faults or our country's faults not only makes us vulnerable, but tragically skewed, and unfortunately, handicapped.

Of course, seeing one's own reflection is always shocking, especially when it's not as pleasant as we hoped it would be. Disillusionment is never a fun experience. But it does open a person's eyes to other avenues of perception.

America is not a bad country. In fact, we do a tremendous amount of good in the world. In terms of sheer amount spent on humanitarian aid, we shell out more money to more countries than anyone. [Although as a matter of percentage of GNP, we are significantly behind the rest of the industrialized world—ed] But you rarely hear about this. Not just from those countries who oppose us, but even from our own government lately. Why that is, I will leave to you to figure out.

Regardless of the good we do in the world, we are not "Number ONE!". In many areas, especially education and health care, many countries run circles around us. So as you can see, we are far from perfect.

Now—we can either learn from this realization and try to improve what we do and how the world perceives us, or live in denial of the fact that our great American beauty is in need of a serious facelift.

After all, once you've been to the other side of the mirror you never forget your true face.

"See what no one sees. See what everyone chooses not to see out of fear, or conformity, or laziness. See the whole world anew! Each day!"—Arthur Mendelson, from the movie "Patch Adams"