Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I pondered weak and weary,
As I read from Timothy Leary,
' Thought about that hot Blue Fairy,
That I wanted so to marry,
When I lived in Harpers Ferry,
Up above the liquor store,
Came a rapping, gentle tapping,
Tapping on my chamber door,
'Tis some Mormons, nothing more.

I continued with my reading,
Hoping that those guys were leaving,
Off to find some soul worth saving,
Some dumb blonde we'll call Lenore,
Polishing the kitchen floor,
'Cause she's too dumb to get bored,
But, still happy as before,
Quote the Ashcrow, "Nevermore!".

Now that stupid knocking's louder,
And the rain is pouring harder,
And the book is getting longer,
Even weirder than before,
Comes the banging even harder,
Even louder than before,
Sounding like the Mormon Choir,
Singing words one can't ignore,
Quote the Ashcrow, "Nevermore!".

Who are you, you stupid bastards,
Turned my night into disaster,
With your knocking at my door?
Constant rapping on my door,
I flung open that great door!
' Saw the wind and nothing more,
'Cept for some unhappy whore,
That reminded me once more,
When it rains, it often poors,
Now I'm getting really sore!
Poor thing's soaked right to the core.

So I slammed the door with vigor,
Poured myself a little jigger,
Of that wine I'd bought before,
In the days when I was happy,
When we all had lots of money,
In the time that came before,
In those golden days of yore,
'Tis a memory - nothing more,
Now there's only war and war,
And the big bucks go to those,
Who supported Bush's wars,
Getting richer than before,
Quote the Ashcrow, "Nevermore!".

I flung open door with passion,
I heard grackle cries and thrashing,
As he flew inside my door,
Roosted first upon my mantel,
Took a big dump on my carpet,
Perched above my bedroom door,
There to roost for evermore,
He was ugly as a gargoyle,
Looked a bit like Katherine Harris,
Worst damn creature seen before,
Quote the Ashcrow, "Nevermore!".

Who are you, and what you wanting?
Have you stopped your graveyard haunting,
Out there in the misty moors,
Who are you, you cursed demon?
Uglier than all I'm seeing,
On TV, for "Praise The Lord",
Why have you now come to heckle,
What about your old pal, Jeckel,
Don't you work with him no more?
Quote the Ashcrow, "Nevermore!".

I collapsed in utter silence,
Remembered my pledge of non-violence,
Tried to fathom just what for,
Dared not look up at this creature,
That, just like some numb art teacher,
Always made the whole class snore,
He looked down his beak and ventured,
"I'd bet you would give your dentures,
Give your dentures and much more,
To find what is Nevermore!".

So I thought for several moments,
While the stench of bile and vomit,
Came from up above my chamber,
Up above my bedroom door,
Pondered why this nasty creature,
Had a face like some old preacher,
Come from hell's dark depths once more,
Then I asked the burning question,
Came an answer you ain't guessing,
One that's gonna make you sore,
"What means this word, 'Nevermore'?"

Here the answer came like thunder,
Made all history just a blunder,
Would cause Captain Kirk to ponder,
What's the use or reason for?
Just forget "To boldly go,
Where no man has gone before!"
Just sit home and read and snore,
Watch TV and hire a whore,
"All there was IS nevermore!".

"Nevermore you'll have your Freedom,
Nevermore you'll just be leavin',
On some highway, in your car,
You'll be answering now to roadblocks,
Filling out forms in your mailbox,
Going though your e-mail, more,
Having guns stuck in your faces,
In the most romantic places,
Where you loved to go before,
Being told that what you're thinking,
Can be monitored by listening,
Listening to your heart and more,
You'll Have Freedom Nevermore!"

Till this day, he sits there eating,
All the paint off of my ceiling,
Shitting on my hardwood floor,
Always his strange eyes are watching,
Like a deep, perverted haunting,
Really makes my girlfriends sore!
"Who's your friend above the door?"
'Tis John Ashcroft, nothing more.

(c) 2003 Bill Bohannon all rights reserved
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY!
Better go out and enjoy it before they ban it!