Lynching America

Recently, Pvt. Jessica Lynch signed a $1 million contract to tell her story and have a book written about it. Anyone who watches the major media knows this story pretty well and knows what we're supposed to think about it. A brave American soldier kidnapped in an ambush by evil Iraqis later to be rescued by the genius of the American military. Some people wonder how Lynch is going to tell an interesting story when she was in a coma throughout most of it. Still others wonder if this whole story sounds a bit like bull. Yes, but what part of the bull exactly? Hmmmm�.

Since she may not remember the whole story, I thought I'd fulfill my philanthropic duty and tell it for her. Apparently, Ms. Lynch crashed her Humvee into an overturned vehicle and suffered a trauma that put her unconscious. When she awoke, she was in an Iraqi hospital� and in good health. Iraqi doctors had patched her up pretty quickly considering twelve years of illegal sanctions have kept them from having much of the necessary supplies.

When it was time to send her on her way. They hopped into an ambulance and tried to deliver her to the Americans, but they were shot at and had to return to the hospital. These things happen as the Iraqis have been known to use ambulances like Trojan horses� much like we use rhetoric to liberate countries we've decimated.

So finally the Iraqi doctors sent out a messenger to contact the Americans. Something like "We have's yolad-ay. Commanagett-huh." So, in true American fashion, we patiently took the time to put together a camera team and rescue her from the people who saved her life. In the end, Ms. Lynch is symbolic of the Iraqi people - lost and confused, turned into a media phenomenon by crazed madmen (that's us).

Our president (his name escapes me at the moment) missed a serious opportunity to draw a distinction between the Iraqi government we helped install but had to destroy and the Iraqi people we helped to destroy but hope to install. Apparently, the Iraqi doctors who saved the life of Jessica Lynch don't deserve the kind of recognition we gave Saddam Hussein after he gassed the Kurds in the late '80s. But perhaps the commander-in-briefs will make up for it with the case of another veteran of this war.

Serving her misled and manipulated nation (that's us again) in the 130 degree heat of Iraq, Pvt. Vannessa Turner had an allergic reaction to her mosquito ointment that put her in a coma and came close to giving her heart failure. Like Jessica Lynch, she awoke in a hospital all patched up, except in Germany.

Now back in America, she is forced to spend all her savings on medical treatment from the nerve damage in her ordeal. The result of which is having to take her fifteen-year-old daughter from couch to couch as she can't pay her bills. Not only that, the department of defense was kind enough to inform her that if she wanted to get her belongings back from Germany, she had to buy a ticket and fly there herself. And would you believe she's BLACK?!

Our first homeless veteran. How cute, when one out of every four or five homeless people in this country is a veteran (the rest are mentally ill people liberated from institutions by another republican - his name escapes me too).

So what have we learned from all this? Not only did the administration, run by -- oh what the hell is his name? I must be blocking it -- not only did they enter a war with no intention of meeting their stated goals (goals financially unable to meet), but they were crafty enough to screw all of us - the Iraqis, the Americans - even our own soldiers. One's being exploited somewhere between movie star and clown; the other's simply being ignored.

So who's winning in this adventure? Could it be� Halliburton?

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