Tony Blair's Dilemma
Carl Estrada to Tony Blair
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by Paul Chasman , 09.19.2004 Buy Fantastic Progressive Stickers, Buttons, Tees, and more!
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September 19, 2004
Prime Minister Tony Blair
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A 2AA
Dear Prime Minister Blair,
Say it ain’t so!
I just heard you’re hoping the Flip-Flopping Frenchman will beat Our President Who is a Strong and Decisive Leader in November! Here’s what your “mouthpiece,” Progress magazine said:
“Those who recognize that American leadership is both vital, and a force for good in an uncertain world, will wish John Kerry well on 2 November."
I thought you were Our President’s Brother-in-Arms! I guess I should have known better when Our President Who is a Strong and Decisive Leader looked into Putin’s soul. He never looked into yours.
Also, I should have known we couldn’t trust you when you refused to wear an American flag lapel pin!
I don’t get it--First you were best buddies with The Failed President Clintonwhogotusintothismess. Then you jumped to Our President Who is a Strong and Decisive Leader quicker than Ivana Trump changes millionaire husbands! And now the Flip-Flopping Frenchman?! Talk about flip-floppers!
I guess you flip-flopped because you’re watching the polls. Maybe you flip-flopped because only 16% of your countrymen want Our President to win, and 47% are for the Flip-Flopping Frenchman. Maybe Canada’s Prime Minister Paul Martin told you his country is for the Flip-Flopper 61% to 16%!
Maybe Schroder and Chirac and Berlusconi put a bug in your ear. Germany, France, and Italy plus Norway and the Netherlands only have 14% who want Our President Who is a Strong and Decisive Leader to win.
China and Japan and Indonesia finally found something they can agree on. Guess what it is? They all want the Flip-Flopping Frenchman to win. Thailand and India, too.
That Allawi guy who’s the president or prime minister or whatever-he-is of Iraq wants Our President to win. But if you ask the average Iraqi on the street, you can’t because you’ll get hit by a car bomb.
And did you hear what UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan said about our war that liberated the Iraqi people? Here’s what he called it:
“Illegal.”
Anyway, Mr. Prime Minister of England, this is what I say to you and the rest of the world:
Sour grapes!
You’re just jealous because we’re the strongest country in the history of the planet and we have enough nukes to blow you all to kingdom-come, and maybe Our President Who is a Strong and Decisive Leader will do just that because “you’re with us or against us” and right now it seems like you’re all against us!
Here’s what I suggest you do: When Our President addresses the United Nations on Tuesday, go to Him! Beg His forgiveness! Tell Him it was all a bad joke and you never really wanted the Flip-Flopping Frenchman to win! Tell Him Dan Rather misquoted you!
Humility is the better part of valor! Here would be a nice touch: Bring Schroder and Chirac and Kofi Annan with you, and in a little gesture of reconciliation, kiss His ring! You wouldn’t even have to bow--just bend a little.
Then you can all be friends again and you can give Our President whatever He wants so He can have four more years to continue His “March to Freedom,” so He can make America SAFE! from TERROR! and He can make all of you SAFE! from TERROR!, too!
Sincerely,
Carl Estrada
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More articles by this author, Paul Chasman
In the spirit of Lazlo Toth, Paul Chasman, as various characters thinly disguised as sincere, concerned citizens, writes tongue-in-cheek letters to public officials, the famous, and more, gently poking fun at our culture and politics.
