Voting and Kids and Cabbages and Candidates

GETTING OUT THE VOTE AMONG AMERICA�S PRE-SCHOOLERS: By this time the reader is aware that an unhealthy looking state congressman from, where else, California, has proposed a constitutional amendment giving the vote to fourteen-year-olds. Representative Vasconcellos, the proud but dominated father of a thirteen-year-old daughter has decided that today�s modern teens are likely to vote intelligently because they have access to the internet, to cell phones, and cable television.

Makes one wonder what kind of a world this idiot lives in. Maybe his daughter is one of those holier-than-shit little chippies that were the odds-on favorites of our senile middle school teachers. We hated them. Always got the good grades, always had their hand in the air, always ratted us out for anything from a congenial in-class fart to our frequent cheating. My personal nemesis was named Linda Lee, only she spelled it �Leigh�, her mother was a bitch and the fruit fell directly under the branch. (whupped up on her in the eighth grade, though. Long story. No sex.)

The misguided representative would grant the fourteen and fifteens a one quarter vote; the sixteen and seventeens a one-half vote. In other words, it would take the votes of four barely pubescent kids to equal that of one legal adult.

Extend the idea to the notion of running for office. Let a fourteen-year-old run for governor, and a sixteen y/o for president. Then four fourteens equal one Arnold; two sixteens make one G. W. Bush. The mathematics is interesting; the metaphysics even more so. Although I, personally, don�t find much to justify any notion of ultimate reality in modern American politics.

The idea is reported as being discussed in several other states. You might want to check with your local representative to determine whether this kind of insanity is alive in well where you live.

Remember what being fourteen is like? Most kids that age are in the eighth or ninth grade, many have unchanged voices, most of the boys don�t shave. They are addicted to MTV, Rap (crap) music, baggy clothes, oral sex (which isn�t really sex, is it? I mean the President�.), video games, and avoiding responsibility. Many have acne; significant numbers take massive daily doses of Ritalin. In the state of Georgia, for instance, fully forty percent of current ninth graders will neither get a high school diploma nor a GED equivalency. We may not be the brightest state in the union, but the figures elsewhere are abysmal as well.

Many of my readers have no idea whatsoever what fourteen or fifteen is all about. That�s a pity. Maybe if they took more interest in their kids or the no-account schools those kids are subjected to, the next generation might stand a chance.

But most of them won�t. And in a few years the slackers will have inherited the earth. We wonder if our Republic will be destroyed first by Arab terrorists from without, or apathy from within.

From here it looks like a race toward Armageddon.

Maybe the Euroholes will inherit the earth.

THE BOORTZ BILL: Our favorite talk show host, Atlanta based Neal Boortz, has had submitted for him by a Georgia State Representative a bill so simple, so unique that it could revolutionize teen driving in this country.

Georgia like other states has a problem with teen drivers. In a nutshell, they kill people. Over the past few months there have been a number of high profile cases where irresponsible young drivers get behind the wheel of a car, and while high and/or driving too fast, kill. The teen drivers usually survive. But our highways are littered with the ghosts of other drivers, their passengers, and the passengers in the kid�s own vehicle. What has been happening more often than not, the young drivers are tried in Juvenile court and get off with a slap on the wrist and a few hours of community service.

The Boortz bill, if it passes, and there is already considerable liberal opposition to it, will require that any teen driver who breaks the law while driving will be tried as an adult. Simple. Matter of fact. To the point. Kid kills or injures anybody on the road, he will pay an adult penalty and no smarmy lawyer will be able to get the case moved to Juvvy.

I love the idea, personally, especially since yours truly is a full-fledged adult now. Well, almost full fledged, I can�t purchase a legal beer to celebrate before I ship out to Iraq, but, hell, I can blow the shit out armed fundamentalists once I get there. Seems a fair trade.

I APPRECIATE IAN�S SUPPORT FOR SENATOR KERRY on this web site but cannot agree with him. Over the next few weeks, as we delve once in a while into the subject of contemporary politics, we shall have a great deal more to say about this matter. It is our humble opinion that Kerry is nothing more than a surrogate for Ted �Chappaquidic Chappy� Kennedy, the eternal Massachusetts liberal, born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a gilded boot up his ass, whose own presidential ambitions were doomed when the voters outside the bay State were reminded of the plight of Mary Jo Kopekne, that ill-fated Maid of Martha�s Vineyard. You recall, of course, that on a dark night in 1969, the Senator�s Oldsmobile left the road, plunged into the water. Kennedy exited the vehicle and left behind in the back seat a young campaign worker who slowly suffocated, unable to exit. He was punished severely by the simple-minded voters of the Bay State by being sent to the United States Senate for five consecutive terms.

John Kerry was born with a similar silver spoon in his oral orifice, but was forced by family circumstances to marry the guilt boot. That he did twice, causing his first marriage to be annulled, which usually means that the loving couple never consummated their union in a sexual way. It is a little hard to explain how the kids he had by his first wife came into being, therefore. One wonders if they automatically became bastards the moment the annulment document was made legal. His second wife, Ms. Heinz of catsup fame, has considerably more dough than the family needs, and so donates much of it to liberal causes. This column sincerely hopes that the good lady had the foresight to hire an expensive lawyer to write a pre-nuptial agreement before she said �I do� and married the gold digger.

It�s all OK, I guess. The Clinton marriage is more of a business arrangement than a true love affair. Sort of sets the tone for other members of the party of the mythic jackass.

To start off, we have added to our own web site several new, highly insensitive, and politically incorrect additions that will help set the tone for what we think of the presidential campaign up to this point in time. I ask you to check our (1) http://expage.com/lukester322 (2) http://expage.com/lukester323 (3) http://expage.com/lukester324 and (4) http://expage.com/lukester325 They are titled (1) 9/11/01 EUROHOLES and AMERICAN RESOLVE, (2) MODERN AMERICA�S DEFINING MOMENT, 9/11, (3) AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH: The Consequences Of Telling Lies, (4) THE RESURRECTION OF JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY: John Kerry The Pale Imitation.

You will quickly see that we consider J. F. Kerry to be a kind of �Kennedy Lite�, which is pretty easy to do when you catch a glimpse of of the Senior Senator from Martha�s Vineyard (which is not to be confused with Martha Stewart).

You will also notice that we coined a new word. We have heard one pundit referring to the leaders of �Old Europe� as �Euroweenies�. We prefer our own, �Euroholes�. Seems to say it all.

We have also begun updating our photo album at http://www.photoisland.com where the I.D. is �Luciusson�, and the PassWord �bubbadog�. Plan to had rascally pix every week.

That�s it for now. Want to get this off in time for it to be incorporated into Ian�s Wednesday Update. Have a great week. Think pleasant thoughts, perform a daily random act of kindness, and hug a dog or a cat. One hirsute feline is sound asleep, sensuously stretched out across my notes, making it impossible to read them. Her name? �Fatwa II�, who is getting neutered tomorrow morning, but we have not told her yet. Her soul-mate �Jihad� will be castrated which makes me uncomfortable just to think about.

Ciao,

Luke Angelo
Macon, Georgia

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Luke Angelo, Cyberbrat Out Of Hell, lives in Macon, GA, where he regularly causes trouble and proves that the pen is far mightier than the Mayor