Beware the Ides of March

I have been playing catch-up with Ian for the better part of two months. He is a busy man and my weeklies tend to come in close to his deadline for updating DEMOCRACY MEANS YOU in those weeks when he has the time to perform an update. Sadly, therefore, some of the stuff comes out late and is dated, if only slightly. So this is being written on a Monday, two days early, and hopefully it will be joined by two others submitted but not yet published when once again DMY is prettied up. I promised to submit one column a week, which is why my Christmas bonus was larger than the rest.)

LOOKING FOR WORK and BALL-LESS CATS: This is spring break for me. Now I would love to join thousands of my fellow students on the beaches of Sunny Florida and party the time away, killing superfluous brain cells, enjoying tryst without end, cavorting drunkenly and stupidly through several days of utter debauchery and obscene behavior. It�s a right, isn�t it? Like welfare for the indigent and medical coverage for the slovenly. Every college student does the Spring Break Fling at some point. Even my staid, conservative brother Rob, pillar of society, fanatical moralist drove to Florida for a sybaritic session in the surf, surrounded by suds �n� sand and undulating breasts, hundreds of thousands of barely bikini-clad bouncing breasts. The mind boggles, as does the rest of me. Rob denies the whole thing; I have my unimpeachable sources, however.

But, hell no!! I don�t get to go. No dough, Joe. And around here we don�t hit up the old man for money beyond the necessities. Not and survive the encounter. Not that he�s abusive you understand. Just a little old fashioned. "Luke, if you are going blow your mind, grind groins in a group grope, and contribute more than your fair share to the alcohol tax coffers of the Federal Government, earn the money yourself.� Right. I don�t have a job. I go to school, I write and try to put in a couple of hours a week at the rifle range weather permitting. Somebody has to be ready for the Second Civil War. So I have no money beyond an allowance that lets me eat an occasional high fat feast at the local Burger Durger, enjoying fries with that and buy an occasional book.

Has any of you priced a college or high school textbook lately? Particularly a science book or history? One that has been run through all the committees and organizations not to determine its accuracy, but to pass judgement on its political correctness? These damn things can run to about a hundred bucks each. You can blame the NEA and similar organizations for that one. Some of these texts have to be certified �clean� by a hundred or more different committees before they can be published. It�s a racket, like everything else in what passeth for education in the Land of the Free.

So today, Monday, the Ides of March, a date commemorating the assassination of Big Julie Caesar, Roman Dictator-For-Life and Strongperson. J.C. walked into the Senate House that fateful day, expecting to be feted by his friends and colleagues. Instead the poor goat was stabbed some forty-four times on this day in, ironically enough, 44 B.C. That�s B.C., not C.E., as the terminally P.C. would try to cram down our G.D. throats.

What were you expecting, an impeachment?

So I go look for a job, today and every day this week until I land one. Rob has given me a list of restaurants which might hire a part time cook and not fret too much about his class schedule.

What I would really like to do is have some politician contact me and ask me to write campaign material and speeches for him or her. And, of course, pay handsomely for the output. It wouldn�t matter what party persuasion; I think I could swallow my pride for pure profit. So if any of you knows a politician looking for a fresh approach to his written output, have him contact me at Luciusson@yahoo.com and put HAVE I GOT A JOB FOR YOU! in the title line. I will get back to him within the day.

Maybe I can put job hunting on hold and spend a couple of days hunting down a keg of the elusive green beer. Never had that before. But they tell me it�s common on Saint Patty�s day which is Wednesday, Ian�s update day. I am curious to see how much grosser it is when people throw up the green stuff. Hey, I got a lifetime to flip burgers. Unless a daring politician comes along.

I used to walk past a bar in Boston where I spent a summer taking writing classes. It was called the Shamrock or Blarney Stone or some such. It was busy every night but really exploded on Saturdays. There was always a band featuring the likes of Sean O�Fogy and his Leprechauns, or some such. I was too young to get by the door man. But I do remember watching as boozed-up bodies were bouncer-hurled into the street on those nights and the whole scene was redolent of beer and barf and pine cleaner. Gallons of pine cleaner.

With the dog dead, Dad had the cats neutered late last week. Fatwa the female is recovering nicely. I don�t see any change in her gentle, kind of sweet personality. Jihad, the dude pussy, spends most of his time looking around as if he has misplaced something but can�t quite remember what it is. The very thought of castration makes me uncomfortable. Jihad is walking a little stiff-legged right now. I want to squirm. But neutering one�s pets is the proper thing to do. I wouldn�t want to be up to my ass in the furry little critters.

As a life-long dog owner, Pop is taking to the cats very well. And they seem to love him in return. Brother Rob thinks a dog would be better protection for the Old Man, but Pop says he is training them to be attack cats. And, he adds, if he dies suddenly and there is nobody around to cart his body to the crematorium, the cats can chomp on his flesh for a few days to keep their nourishment up. All natural food, part of the crazy quilt that is my family.

COLIN POWELL SAID ON A SUNDAY A.M. NEWS-ENTERTAINMENT SHOW that Senator Kerry should release the names of those heads of state who support his bid for the presidency. Fortunately, your humble correspondent has his own sources in high places and can now release the NAMES of the INTERNATIONAL LEADERS who support KERRY for PRESIDENT. They include Osama bin Laden, Kim Jong Il, and every Mullah Muthah in Iran. Remember, folks, you read it here first. Who needs Drudge or Pete Jenkins, who is really a Canadian anyway.

THE PAIN IN SPAIN: The horrifying carnage in Madrid this week should serve as a reminder that the war on terrorism is far from over. We were told more than two years ago that this conflict would be a long one, fought all over the world. How quickly we forget.

The Muslim fundamentalist, who has adopted global Jihad as his reason for living, has a long memory. He considers his war a kind of extension of the Crusades; he believes his de facto leader, Osama Bin Laden, a kind of latter day Saladin who, during the Middle Ages, successfully defended the Holy Land from all assaults of European Christendom.

These men are on a campaign begun by Muhammad himself, a campaign to convert the world to Islam by the sword, killing all who do not submit to the will of Allah. The United States is only one object of the radicals� attention, but, sadly for us, the major object.

We are, you see, the �Great Satan�, the anti-allah or whatever he�s called by those folks whose thinking remains firmly entrenched in the Middle Ages when men were men and women nothing. Where a primitive law code condemned an adulterous woman to death while her boyfriend was entirely free to screw another day. A code that dictated the severance of a hand for stealing and public flogging for all sorts of crimes including the ingestion of John Barleycorn, that multi faceted elixir of life and love. Pretty brutal stuff, my friends.

There are those who would appease. There are those who would wait until a crescendo of consensus is built up, then sweep the bad guys away. Or negotiate with them. Or try to change those things in us that offends their little Muslim psyches. None of this will work. The President made one good move, perhaps his only good move, when he took us to war against those who would end Western Civilization, our Western Civilization.

Could John Kerry, would John Kerry, if elected president, do as much? Most probably not. Our guess is that he would set the War on Terror back so far that we would never be able to root out the hatred boiling up in the Muslim World right now. These people respect strength and resolve and determination. Hitting them head on, recognizing that we are actually fighting a war as serious as we did from 1941 to 1945, is the only way to win.

It is high time the United States stopped wringing its hands over any possible reasons we might be to blame for slaughter of three thousand people on 9/11. All that is necessary to remember is that 9/11 was a fact, it was fomented by suicide radical Islamists most of whom were Saudis, and The United States was the target.

Jihad us? We will jihad your ass right back to the eighth century.

Sorry for the abruptness. But I feel very strongly that the war must continue against all who would destroy us.

Green Beer or look for a job? You decide, I report.

Luke Angelo
Macon, Georgia

KERRY MUST BE DEFEATED

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Luke Angelo, Cyberbrat Out Of Hell, lives in Macon, GA, where he regularly causes trouble and proves that the pen is far mightier than the Mayor