F***ing Crazies
Carl Estrada to Colin Powell
September 13, 2004
Colin Powell
Secretary of State
U.S. Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520
Dear Secretary Powell,
I heard you called Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz a bunch of
“f***ing crazies!” Is this true?
You told British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw that Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz were “f***ing crazies” because they didn’t want to wait for a UN thumbs-up before they bombed Iraq. They were in a big hurry!
Do you still think Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz are “f***ing crazies”? You have to admit--their plans worked out pretty well. Just the other day, Rumsfeld said, “We’re making progress.” And Our President says the world is a safer place now that we’ve captured the Evil Dictator who attacked us on 9-11. Also, we’re spreading freedom around the world! What’s so f***ing crazy about that?!”
Maybe you think Cheney is f***ing crazy because the other day he said Saddam “provided safe harbor and sanctuary... for al Qaeda."
He said so, even though the 9-11 Commission said there was “no collaborative operational relationship between Iraq and Al-Qaeda."
But then Condi Rice said, “You don't have to have a collaborative operational control in order to aid terrorists." Do you think she’s f***ing crazy too?
I think Condi’s right. There are all kinds of ways you can aid terrorists. You can aid them by ignoring intelligence reports that they plan to hijack airplanes and fly them into tall buildings.
You can aid them by invading unarmed countries.
You can aid them by killing thousands of innocent civilians.
You can aid them by breaking into people’s houses and locking them up and throwing away the key.
Do you think Cheney and Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz are “f*** crazies” because they wanted to invade Iraq before we found any WMD(s)? Don’t you remember when Our President said:
“Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof -- the smoking gun -- that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.”
You don’t think He’s f***ing crazy too, do you?
The point is, since we caught Saddam Hussein, we haven’t been nuked and there haven’t been any more planes flying into the Twin Towers, so maybe all those neocons aren’t so f***ing crazy after all! Besides, you said yourself:
“The only thing we have not found are actual stockpiles.”
Anyway, I hope Cheney doesn’t find out you said he was f***ing crazy. You know how he gets! Remember when he told Senator Leahy: “Go f*** yourself”? I’d hate to see you two get into a war of words.
I’m afraid if Cheney hears that you said he was f***ing crazy, it will undo all the good work you and he did in the couple’s counseling I suggested for you a while back. Oh well, there’s always more work to do. Two steps forward, one step back.
By the way, did you hear Cheney say if voters make the “wrong choice” in November, “then the danger is that we'll get hit in a way that will be devastating”?
Is that what you meant when you said he’s f***ing crazy?
Sincerely,
Carl Estrada
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More articles by this author, Paul Chasman
In the spirit of Lazlo Toth, Paul Chasman, as various characters thinly disguised as sincere, concerned citizens, writes tongue-in-cheek letters to public officials, the famous, and more, gently poking fun at our culture and politics.
