Aniston Says “No” to Pitt, “Yes” to Abbas
Screen queen to conquor Mideast market AND new PA President
In a double-shocker for the world of entertainment--with icing on top for the world of Mideast relations, superstar Jennifer Aniston announced her divorce of Brad Pitt, and her courtship of Mahmoud Abbas in one blockbuster press release.
Reportedly, Jennifer doesn’t want to have children and would rather put her career ahead of motherhood. Brad felt otherwise.
In the exploding Palestinian Film industry, Jennifer will likely be a huge bombshell, and since it’s likely that Abbas will be assassinated as soon as he shows any sort of backbone against terrorist groups like Hamas, or Al-Aksa, Jenn is overjoyed that children are most unlikely!
In the meantime, she gets an all-expenses paid vacation to a prime vacation spot (The Gaza Strip Paris Hilton), can get a tan, and will fit in nicely with the locals—plus—she doesn’t need to see Brad around town.
“The man is a new leader of a changing society. He's got to be a real man to be able to get where he is. Brad was just an actor. Not so sexy. Besides, Mahmoud isn't likley going to be around very long. How sexy is that? Have you ever f**ked a dead man? I haven't. With all the craxy s*it in Hollywood you'd think I'd done everythong. Nope! But I'm looking forward to it!”
Once Abbas “retires,” Jenn is planning to come back to the states and begin a autobiographical book and film of her experiences as a white, blonde shickza in the bustling Palestinian cities, surrounded by war, passions, and an inspiring crossroads of history.
Stay tuned for more!
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Donny Goldman is the Assistant Editor and occasional contributing writer for DMY.
