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QUIZ: Are You As Morality As Me?

How do your morals stack up against GW Bush and the GOPatriots?

QUIZ: Are You As Morality As Me?

by Alison Ross , 04.29.2006

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QUIZ: Are You As Morality As Me?

Help Conyers Demand An Investigation

"Are you as morality as me?" Asks our cuddly Commander-in-Thief, George "Warmonger" Bush.

Take this kwiz and find out!

Answer each question carefully (you never know who's watching), and when you're done, click SUBMIT and get your morality/patriot score!

And don't worry. You can always take it a second time. Jesus forgives. But his followers don't...


THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION INVADED IRAQ BECAUSE:

a) Jesus said, "Blessed are the Americans, for they shall inherit Iraqi oil."
b) Jesus said, "Blessed are the motherfucking warmakers"
c) Jesus said, "Thou shalt not kill...unless it's silly brown people living in stupid desert countries who have lots of that greasy stuff that makes American super-sized cars go 'vroom vroom.' "

THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WANTS TO AMEND THE CONSTIUTION TO BAN GAY MARRIAGE BECAUSE:

a) Leviticus 15: 23 says, "God hates fags!"
b) Genesis says, "And on the seventh day, God killed fags"
c) Jesus loves you...unless you're a flaming queer or soccer dyke

THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WANTS TO PRIVATIZE SOCIAL SECURITY BECAUSE:

a) Old people are useless anyway
b) This is not some pansy-ass European country - this is America, dammit, and we hate people!
c) Jesus did so love his mutual funds

HALLIBURTON DESERVES A CONTRACT TO HELP REBUILD IRAQ BECAUSE:

a) It's fun to watch stuff go 'ka-boom!' and then put it all back together
b) Because any company with a name that sounds like "halitosis" deserves to benefit from peoples' misery
c) Because the first commandment reads: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me -- except, of course, war profiteers."

OUTSOURCING JOBS IS GOOD BECAUSE:

a) People in India need the $1.31 a month to pay for new arms and legs
b) In America, only people with trust funds deserve jobs
c) Jesus said, "Blessed are the CEOs of multi-billion dollar companies that ship people's jobs overseas to save costs, because their children shall inherit a shitload of money that they can use to start their own companies that make products that exploit the labor of four-year-old girls in China."

MIXING CHURCH AND STATE IS HEALTHY BECAUSE:

a) Witches are everywhere
b) Jesus said, "Blessed are the Christians, because we are the only religion that matters. All the others can kiss my pious butt!"
c) It just is, you filthy pagan

HUGE TAX CUTS FOR THE WEALTHY ARE VIRTUOUS BECAUSE:

a) I mean, have you seen how much it costs to own a small island these days?
b) One can never have too many McMansions
c) God wanted us to be rich
d) Poor people smell funny
e) The sons of those dirty welfare queens keep stealing our SUVs!


HEALTHCARE SHOULD REMAIN INACCESSIBLE TO MILLIONS OF AMERICANS BECAUSE:

a) God hates healthy children
b) Jesus said, "Blessed are those who realize that healthcare is a privilege, not a right. Get with the program, commies!"
c) Jesus said, "Suffer the child," as the Nazi's in "Sophie's Choice" were so prescient to repeat.
d) Americans are strong; we don't get ill like those sickly Euro-queers or African AIDS fags


GEORGE W. BUSH IS NOT REALLY CHRISTIAN BECAUSE:

a) TRUE Christians believe in PEACE
b) TRUE Christians wouldn't lie about the reason for going to war, help destroy an already-tyrannized country and sanction the slaughter of 100,000 civilians, and then say it's all for the cause of freedom
c) TRUE Christians aren't ignorant neo-fascists who care only about the affluent, but tolerant and peaceful individuals who care for the welfare of all humans
d) TRUE Christians aren't cowboy nihilists, but quaintly compassionate people
e) TRUE Christians model their behavior on the benevolent Jesus, not on ruthless dictators
f) TRUE Christians don't suck
g) I don't know what you're talking about. George Bush is more of a Christian than Jesus himself.



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Alison Ross is a passionate but peeved advocate for the poor and homeless. She deplores American fascism but adores American liberalism. She has had her sociopolitical rants showcased in Democracy Means You, Exquisite Corpse, Democratic Underground, Muse Apprentice Guild, When Falls the Coliseum, and Creative Loafing. She also venerates verse, and has had her poetry published in Cerebral Catalyst, A Little Poetry, Muse Apprentice Guild, Mad Swirl, and Nova Express, and forthcoming in Underground Window. When not writing, she enjoys reading, drinking wine, snoring, and bonding with her feline friend, Quetzal.