Where Are the Sacred Chickens?

In my post-election depression, I can�t help but reflect on the way the religious rhetoric kept getting cranked up to a higher and higher pitch. �Documentaries� of W, featuring friends discussing how he has been washed, rinsed, and spun-dry in the Blood of the Lamb, vied with photo ops of Kerry in African-America churches and statements of his Catholic street cred: �He carries a rosary everywhere!� (As a side note, I�d like to point out: big deal. I carry a rosary everywhere, and I haven�t used it in years except for mentally clutching it during takeoffs and landings.)

Last time I checked (roughly around Easter) I was a High Church Episcopalian, (and a few other things) and I�ve got a couple of questions about all this public waving around of religiosity.

First of all: where is their shame? As one of God�s Frozen People, I can confidently say that I would rather streak down the nave of the National Cathedral than yammer about my religious credentials, especially in order to gain points with the voting public.

Aaron�s Theological Law #1: A person�s real religion is what they do, especially under pressure, not what they say they are.

Judging from my own behavior, I am more an ancient Roman than anything else. I am forever propitiating capricious deities, especially those of Parking and Car Maintenance. Whom do I think I�m addressing when I mutter, �Please start. Please start,� or �Space space space?� Our Ford? I�ve quit protesting that I�m not superstitious, because I obviously am.

Where does my money go? What do I value? Books and music, evidently, followed closely by making things instead of buying them: food, clothing, even perfume. That�s why I have three ukuleles and a dress form taking up room usually devoted to the latest fashions and CDs.

So, judging by that standard, what gods does George Bush worship? Probably some scary war god. I keep thinking of Moloch, who demanded that children be thrown into the fire at the start of a war. Sounds about right.

Dick Cheney: what about his gods? I am figuring Plutus, the god of wealth.

In my more cynical moments, I think that Kerry is a devotee of that famous New Orleans saint, St. Expedite.

On to my second and more important question: why was all this religious parading so blatantly Christian?

Because both of the candidates were Christian, would be the simple answer. But I don�t think it quite suffices. How demonstrative could a Jewish candidate be? A Muslim? A Hindu? How about a Pagan?

Aaron�s Theological Law #2: All religions are free in this country, but some religions are more free than others.

Recently, I�ve found myself thinking about an old Charles Addams cartoon. It depicts a man in a headband with a knife and a goat, standing in front of an Aztec statue in a museum. An anxious guard is whispering to another anxious guard: �He wishes to know if he may make a small sacrifice.�

We�re supposed to be a country that has no established religion, but you�d never know it from our political life. Why wasn�t W out trying to get the Sikh vote? Where are the photos of Kerry with a statue of Ganesha in the background?

Why didn�t the administration consult the sacred chickens before declaring war?

Why don�t I expect that come Inaugural Day, the solemnities will commence with sacrificing a white bull and reading the entrails?

Make no mistake: this administration and its cronies aren�t really interested in religious freedom. They want to establish a specific branch of Christianity, one with some very unorthodox, ahistorical views. Just try to find any Patristic writings on the Rapture, and while you�re at it, try looking at what St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas thought about capitalistic lending at interest. (Hint: they hated it.)

Other brands of Christianity with different outlooks are going to be in trouble. The United Church of Christ couldn�t even get a broadcasting company to run their ad showing their inclusiveness to gays and minorities.

And non-Christian religions are going to have an even harder time. The Supreme Court recently blocked a New Mexico church, the Centro Espirita Beneficiente Uniao do Vegetal, which uses a hallucinogenic tea as part of its worship. And I doubt they are going to win their appeal. This is completely against earlier Supreme Court precedent, which found that the Church of Lukumi Babalu Aye had the protected constitutional right to sacrifice chickens (Church of the Lukumi Babalu Aye & Ernesto Pichardo vs. City of Hialeah, June 11, 1993). I could do without sacrificing chickens�I like mine cooked in lemon butter, with capers, and I don�t want to drink ahuarasca tea, which among other things, tends to make you lose your chicken dinner. But if its essential to someone else�s religion, I want the Supreme Court and the Constitution to uphold their rights.

So here is my plea to those who really want to make a point of keeping religious life and national politics separate: suggest equal opportunity religious time. That is the best way to find out who really wants freedom of religious expression, and who is faking it in order to found a theocracy.

Ask if you may make a small sacrifice.

And watch how they react.

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