Osama Wins Popular Vote AND Electoral College
Unexpected win for terror!
Osama bin Laden, in a post-election interview, expressed elation at winning the United States election for his candidates George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and key supporters of Al Qaeda taking a majority in the House and Senate.
"As expected, the American voters took the bait and voted my guys in after my 527 campaign commercial. I couldn't be happier with America—or the new campaign finance laws."
"Or the 380 tons of explosives we made off with in Iraq."
"Far from hating your freedoms, I actually LOVE them! It's fantastic. To think, Praise Allah, I could never have this kind of impact on an election in Europe without blowing something up! In America, I can just get free television coverage. Now THAT'S freedom!"
"I didn't even have to threaten anyone! Besides, I was really overjoyed to show off my new robes from my brother's bin Laden line of fashion. You can find his explosive new designs at www.binladenfashion.com."
"Bin Laden's a trademark, by the way, so don't even think about trying to capitalize on it, American swine. We need that money and we will sue your sorry infidel asses in your own courts, which, by the way, I'm pleased to see are becoming more theocratic every day—and promise to become even more so now that my boys are in for another four years."
"Christian 'law' is, after all, just about the same as Islamic law when it comes to fundamentalists." (See DMY article, "Arab Like Us," by John Hershfield — ed.)
"Regardless, I would like to take this moment to thank the infidel American people for their support of our war on the infidel Rulers of Saudi Arabia by giving us the powerfully visible target of the Great Satan, America. Your military support for the repressive Saudi Regime and unquestioning support of Israel helps me to recruit thousands more Al Qaedettes, as we call them, than we would have without you and your predictable knee jerk reactions!"
"Long live George W. Bush! And may Allah bless American stupidity."
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J Klein is the creator of DemocracyMeansYou and occasionally writes and pens cartoons for the site. He lives in an undisclosed location in North Carolina with Dick Cheney.
DemocracyMeansYou was started as both an artistic response to the ubiquitous flag stickers after 9/11 (the THINK sticker was the impetus for the whole shebang), and a forum for liberal and progressive opinion, humor (always important), and inspiring / urging / demanding participation in the democratic process.
He has written for various publications and websites over the years, has worked as a licensed Psychiatric Technician with both the mentally ill and the developmentally disabled; worked as a mechanic for several years; worked for local government promoting ridesharing and alternative transportation in California; quantifying school accountability for California schools; and marketing writing and web design.
