Circumcising the World
Carl Estrada to George H.W. Bush
October 24, 2004
George Herbert Walker Bush
Former President
Suite 900
10,000 Memorial Drive
Houston, Texas 77024
Dear Mr. Former President,
There’s nothing like a proud papa! You must be beaming!
I heard you talking about your son at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation dinner, and you were bursting with pride. You told a cute story about how Our President has always been the same loveable lug He is today. Here’s the cute story you told about Him:
“He wrote a paper when he was in fifth grade in which he said in 1519 Ferdinand Magellan circumcised the world."
I did the math and figured out it’s been 485 years since Magellan circumcised the world. And now Our President is circumcising it again! I didn’t know the world needed re-circumcising. Maybe once every 500 years or so, it needs a trim.
Who would have thought Our President would be such a good circumciser? He’s even a better circumciser than you were! Remember when you wouldn’t invade Iraq because it would have:
“...incurred incalculable human and political costs... We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq...America in an Arab land -- with no allies at our side. It would have been disastrous."
Your son outgrew you! Where you were timid, your son is bold! And now He speaks to a “higher father!” Maybe if He gets re-elected, He’ll outgrow the “higher father,” too! The sky’s the limit!
You also said at that dinner: “The criticisms of the president have gotten Barbara pretty steamed...If Barbara gets her hands on Sen. Kerry he's going to need another Purple Heart."
Ha ha. Good one, Mr. Former President! Here’s another good one:
Bill Clinton, John Kerry and Our President get caught by some Columbian drug lords who line them up in front of a wall to face a firing squad. The Columbian leader says, “Ready...aim...” Just then, Bill Clinton yells, “Earthquake!” The firing squad turns around to look and Clinton escapes over the wall.
The Columbian leader says, “Well, I still have two of you left. Firing squad! Ready...aim...” Just then, John Kerry yells, “Tornado!” The firing squad turns around to look and Kerry escapes over the wall.
The Columbian leader says, “That leaves one. Firing squad! Ready...aim...” Our President smurkles and yells, “Fire!”
Ha ha! “Fire!” Get it?
Speaking of Barbara getting steamed, is she steamed about that new website?:
http://www.bushrelativesforkerry.comIt’s true! Here’s what they say:
“Please don’t vote for our cousin!”
Here’s what else the Bush relatives for Kerry say:
“Because blood is thinner than oil!”
They say all kinds of unpatriotic things about Our President like:
“George W. Bush is a man of limited vision and seemingly little compassion.”
“I’m terrified of the police state that is being created by George and his cronies.”
“My Christian faith is not looking for a new Messiah named George Bush. I am looking for a new leader. I believe that leader’s name is John Kerry.”
I bet the mashed potatoes won’t be the only thing that’s steaming at the Bush family Thanksgiving this year!
By the way, how long did it take Magellan to circumcise the globe? I bet it didn’t take him 8 years, but the world is more complicated now. Israel won’t mind being circumcised, but it might take a little longer to circumcise Iraq, Iran, and Syria.
What about North Korea. Do you think they want to be circumcised?
Sincerely, Carl Estrada
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More articles by this author, Paul Chasman
In the spirit of Lazlo Toth, Paul Chasman, as various characters thinly disguised as sincere, concerned citizens, writes tongue-in-cheek letters to public officials, the famous, and more, gently poking fun at our culture and politics.
