Lynne Cheney Furious: Dick's Been Cut Off
Clinton Blamed
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by J Klein , 04.11.2003 Buy Fantastic Progressive Stickers, Buttons, Tees, and more!
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WASHINGTON D.C.— Lynne Cheney held a press conference yesterday to express her anger that the Vice President's website was blocked by Internet filtering software installed at all public libraries in the United States. The software, mandated in the so-called "Library Porn" bill passed by the Senate in 2000, prevents Mr. Cheney's website from being displayed because his nickname is "Dick." Ironically, "dick" is also a nickname for the male reproductive organ.
"I had no idea my husband's name had an offensive meaning—other than with those pesky Democrats," said Mrs. Cheney. "I'm ashamed to think maybe that's why God punished us with a homosexual daughter." Mrs. Cheney expressed her regret that curious teens could no longer find Dick at the public library, but would instead have to find out about him from their friends, parents, or even priests. "It's a shame," she said, "that children can't even find out about their own Dick, a true role model of moral integrity, compassion, and justice."
But she believes there's more to the law than meets the eye: "I just knew there was something suspicious about that weasely Bill Clinton passing a pornography law," claims the second lady, "but I thought that for once that man had at least a shred of decency. Apparently not. It just goes to show what a conniver he really is, tricking the Republican Senate to pass this bill simply for the indignity it would cause our family. But he'll pay. Jesus is the ultimate impeacher. And that Clinton's going to burn, burn, burn!"
The mention of President Clinton clearly upset the elderly Mrs. Cheney, prompting her assistant, Ben Dover, to end the event abruptly and call for the Cheneys' personal physician, Dr. Ida Feldersnatch.
Hugh Jardon, a close friend of the family, was unavailable for comment.
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J Klein is the creator of DemocracyMeansYou and occasionally writes and pens cartoons for the site. He lives in an undisclosed location in North Carolina with Dick Cheney.
DemocracyMeansYou was started as both an artistic response to the ubiquitous flag stickers after 9/11 (the THINK sticker was the impetus for the whole shebang), and a forum for liberal and progressive opinion, humor (always important), and inspiring / urging / demanding participation in the democratic process.
He has written for various publications and websites over the years, has worked as a licensed Psychiatric Technician with both the mentally ill and the developmentally disabled; worked as a mechanic for several years; worked for local government promoting ridesharing and alternative transportation in California; quantifying school accountability for California schools; and marketing writing and web design.
