“Name That Conservative” Contest
The importance of a new moniker for what's mistakenly called “conservative”
Come up with the best name by the end of 2004 and win a $50 shopping spree at PropagandaCentral
As most of us who identify on the left side of the political spectrum know, the so-called "Conservative" forces in this country are anything but. Dubya, Cheney, Ashcroft, & Co. would like us to believe they are truly moderates. They mislead the public with a fantastic-and very smart-marketing spin on their politics.
The right is keenly aware that the name for a goal or movement can make all the difference. They recognize that creating an emotional response to an issue bypasses the inconvenience of rational discussion. When the Gingrich legislature worked to ban late-term abortions, they knew a powerful, visceral name for their target was needed. Discussing the health consequences of "late-term abortions" is dry and scientific—but rallying against a "partial-birth abortion" leaves no ground for opposition to stand on. After all, who's for killing babies—as they're being born, even? Although the description of the procedure is wildly inaccurate and the term "partial birth" itself makes no sense, the power in the label is its ability to conjure a graphic, emotional image, regardless of its truthfulness. What's important is that the label sticks. And when it does, that's bad news for the rest of us.
The 2004 Bush word was "reformer." And people believed it.
Clearly, the word "Conservative" doesn't even begin to describe the likes of Trent Lott, Tom DeLay, Rush "the Mush" Limbaugh and all those other clowns who proudly call themselves "the C word." Calling the rabid, repressive, and religious right spokesmen "Conservative" is like calling Newt Gingrich sexy. In fact, calling these guys "Conservative" is about accurate as calling Tonya Harding a role model for good sportsmanship. But somehow, they manage it, the public buys it, and the media uses it. And Newt even managed to have an affair or two back in the day.
According to Merriam-Webster "Conservative" is:
1 : PRESERVATIVE 2 a : of or relating to a philosophy of conservatism b capitalized : of or constituting a political party professing the principles of conservatism : as (1) : of or constituting a party of the United Kingdom advocating support of established institutions (2) : PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE 3 a : tending or disposed to maintain existing views, conditions, or institutions : TRADITIONAL b : marked by moderation or caution c : marked by or relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners 4 : of or relating to Conservative Judaism
Now would you say John Ashcroft espouses "a political philosophy based on tradition and social stability, stressing established institutions, and preferring gradual development to abrupt change"? How about "marked by or relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners"? Would that include putting a pair of $8,000 curtains on semi-nude statues in the Justice Department? Or do you think it's a little more honest to say our man John is "trying to force the last hundred years of social and economic reform back into the closet of archaic religious and sweat shop sensibilities whatever it takes, using the Hereford-steer-sized shoehorns of patriotism and family values"?
We need a more accurate name for these Young Nazis In Love that better reflects their Neolithic social agenda, stunted imagination, and hatred of all things different from them. But it's got to be a term that can be adopted in the mainstream. Use the word "fascist" anywhere outside of a college campus and you'll get listened to about as much as Andrew Dice Clay would get a date at Lilith Fair. "Radical Right" doesn't get much airplay either, "neo-conservative" is too vague, dry and intellectual for the general population.
Our new moniker needs to be one or two words, catchy, accurate, and usable in everyday speech. You should be able to imagine it in the Christian Science Monitor, New York Times, or Washington Post. Maybe even People.
TO ENTER THE CONTEST, submit your ideas in the
"NAME THAT CONSERVATIVE" forum at
http://www.democracymeansyou.com/phpBB2/
Prize is a $50 gift certificate for PropagandaCentral.
NOTE:The original contest ran in April 2002, and the original contest winner was "corporatists."
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J Klein is the creator of DemocracyMeansYou and occasionally writes and pens cartoons for the site. He lives in an undisclosed location in North Carolina with Dick Cheney.
DemocracyMeansYou was started as both an artistic response to the ubiquitous flag stickers after 9/11 (the THINK sticker was the impetus for the whole shebang), and a forum for liberal and progressive opinion, humor (always important), and inspiring / urging / demanding participation in the democratic process.
He has written for various publications and websites over the years, has worked as a licensed Psychiatric Technician with both the mentally ill and the developmentally disabled; worked as a mechanic for several years; worked for local government promoting ridesharing and alternative transportation in California; quantifying school accountability for California schools; and marketing writing and web design.
