A Christmas Visit from Jolly Old Dick
St. Dick?
by Jane Allen, DMY Poetess
Not a creature was stirring, not a leaf, nor a branch.
The stockings were hung by the Humvee with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The boys were all nestled so smug in their beds,
While visions of re-election danced in their heads.
And Karl in his kerchief and George in his cap,
Had just settled down for a well-deserved nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Karl sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
The Secret Service drew their guns, quite certain they were
That domestic terrorists threatened their leader so pure.
The searchlights illumined the new-fallen snow,
Giving sparkle and clarity to objects below.
When, what to Karl's wondering eyes should appear,
But an enormous sleigh and twelve greedy reindeer.
With a stealthy old driver, so lively and quick,
Karl knew in a moment it must be Jolly Old Dick.
More rapid than stock trades his exhortations came,
As he whistled, and shouted, and called each by name.
"Now, Diebold! Now, Bechtel! Now, Tyco and Exxon!
On, Enron! On, Worldcom! On, Halli and Burton!
On, GE! On, Shell! On, Dow and GM!
To the top of the mansion, I'll get you all in!"
Those reindeer, they struggled. The sleigh was so full!
But bound and determined, they all gave a great pull,
And up to the rooftop, the greedy, they flew
With a sleigh full of presents, and Jolly Dick too.
And then, in a twinkling, Karl heard on the roof
The impatient pawing of each heavy hoof.
As he smiled with relief and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Jolly Old Dick with a bound.
Dick's eyes were 'a twinkling, his countenance merry,
He danced as he sang, "The re-election we will carry."
The huge sack he then opened spilled onto the floor,
"I bring millions of greenbacks," he crowed, "But there's more."
"The children are hungry, I'm hearing their plea.
The jobless are struggling, but that's them – not me.
They think we don't care, that we never take note,
But, help babies and sick grannies?! Heck, they don't vote!"
"The glaciers are melting. NAFTA's a joke.
Nuclear power's on the upswing. The treasury's broke.
The free world now hates us, we go it alone.
All tyrants envy our hubris, as we build our own throne."
"We're enabling polluters. We're killing the seas.
We're drilling Alaska. Enviros are on their knees."
"Oh, Dickie," Karl inquired, "What else did you bring?
It's been such a good year. Don't we have everything?"
"No, Karl," Jolly Dick said. "There's lots more ahead,
It's not enough that Americans are hiding under the bed.
There will be arsenic and mercury for good girls and boys.
Aren't coal mines and slag heaps and oil rigs great toys?"
"Dear Dickie," Karl bubbled, "You are such a wag.
I can't imagine what else you've got hid in that bag."
Dick glowed as he whispered, and in the bag he did reach,
"Next, we'll take over the Internet--total war on free speech!"
"Blogs will be shut down, we'll do it so fast,
Alternate news sources will be a thing of the past.
Foreign journals and whistleblowers will be stopped in their tracks.
We'll write all our own news and dispense with those hacks."
"Freedom of information? Ha!" Dick said with a sway,
"We'll stop those annoying questions. No more, no way.
Ashy will be tireless as he plugs every leak.
He'll cite homeland security for all the info they seek."
"We'll make everything secret, we'll do it with ease.
All protesters in jail, and their money we'll seize.
We'll make every question and dissent a high crime.
All our enemies will be silenced, just give me a bit more time."
"Congress is our lapdog, the people are asleep.
There is much more to do, more promises to keep.
The truth we have twisted, the lies we have told,
But next year, I promise, we'll be even more bold."
"Our cause is so righteous, so just and so true,
The Bill of Rights is in our way, but we know what to do.
I can't stay much longer," said Old Dick (looking weary),
"There's much to be done, and I'm in a great hurry."
With a smirk and a leer, Jolly Dick turned around.
As he entered the chimney, his feet left the ground.
The deer on the rooftop heard Dick say, "My pet,
Happy Christmas to us all. The world ain't seen nothin' yet."
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