W-M-D-R-P-A!
It's fun to say,
I always used to wonder what White House interns do. (No, not the Clinton interns. Now go wash your mind out with soap.) Now I have a theory. They're really just a backup band. Bear with me, and I'll explain.
The President of the United States ("POTUS" to his pals) had spent the last year talking about "Iraqi WMDs" and "uranium from Africa." But he didn't mention either in this year's State of the Union. Instead, he told us:
"We are seeking all the facts. Already the Kay Report identified dozens of Weapons of Mass Destruction-Related Program Activities... concealed from the United Nations."
WMDRPAs? Hmmm. That's a new one.
So here's my theory: the White House interns are a backup band, and Karl Rove is the lead singer. Every week, they meet in a secure, undisclosed recording studio to record a new CD. They put it in a special CD player underneath the President's pillow, and play it all night long while he sleeps. The next morning, national policy has changed a bit.
Here's last week's song. Its sung to the tune of "YMCA."
WMDRPA
(Lyrics by Carl Elkin. Apologies-- profuse apologies-- to
the Village People)
POTUS, are your poll-numbers down?
I said, POTUS, no uranium found?
I said, POTUS, stop your flailing around,
There's no need... to... be... unhappy...
POTUS, have the bankruptices grown?
I said, POTUS, is the US alone?
No need to fret-- you're speech will be great--
Here's what you say, you just change the debate...
"We always said we'd find W-M-D-R-P-As
We finally found us some W-M-D-R-P-As
"It wasn't that hard-- not such a great feat,
We knew where to look-- we still had the receipts!"
POTUS, is your new tax-plan bunk?
I said, POTUS, economy's in a funk?
I said, POTUS, have the job-numbers sunk?
There's no need... to... be... unhappy...
POTUS, now the man on the street,
I said, POTUS, maybe can't afford heat,
If he wants to buy food, or prescription drugs--
But never mind that-- here's what you plug:
"We always said we'd find W-M-D-R-P-As
We finally found us some W-M-D-R-P-As
"It wasn't that hard-- not such a great feat,
We knew where to look-- we still had the receipts"
POTUS, Kim Il Sung has some nukes,
I said, POTUS, Bin Ladin's got you duped,
I said, POTUS, the Iraqis have stooped
to removing women's.. rights.. to.. divorce...
POTUS, do the French hate your guts?
I said, POTUS, do the Brits think your nuts?
The rest of the world-- they may think that you're queer,
But never mind them, 'cause they don't vote here.
They couldn't find those W-M-D-R-P-As,
Until you showed them the W-M-D-R-P-As
It wasn't that hard-- not such a great feat,
We knew where to look-- we still have the receipts.
POTUS, Social Security's broke,
I said, POTUS, Medicare is a joke,
And the national debt's.. going higher and higher
But you won't be around, when the Boomers retire!
POTUS, don't get stuck in a rut,
I said, POTUS, now get off of your butt,
I said, POTUS, there are taxes to cut,
There is still stuff to do... for.. the... rich...
W-M-D-R-P-As... ya gotta find us those W-M-D-R-P-As
POTUS, POTUS, don't you think of defeat
POTUS, POTUS, go and find those receipts!
W-M-D-R-P-As... ya gotta find us those W-M-D-R-P-As
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