Black Gold
'WMD' found under sands of mideast
Within hours of the United Nations receiving Saddam Hussein's 12,000 page declaration denying he possessed weapons of mass destruction (WMD), UN weapons inspectors on the ground in Iraq discovered what they called the "motherlode" of WMD.
"During a routine search of a 20 square mile area of sand in southern Iraq, we hit the motherlode of WMD," announced chief inspector Hans Blix.
Calling the WMD a "potential black plague for the 21st Century" Blix indicated the southeastern region of Iraq was specifically targeted by inspectors based on intelligence provided by the Bush administration.
Describing the WMD as "crude, black putrid smelling liquid based death" Blix stated initial estimates indicated there were enough WMD to fill "anywhere from 80-100 million barrels."
"Saddam Hussein cleverly hid these extremely flammable WMD deep underground," said Blix. "It will take years to remove these crude WMD after extensive drilling deep into the subsurface."
"Fortunately for the world, a multinational effort will see to the safe removal of these WMD. Exxon and British Petroleum have graciously and selflessly stepped forward and volunteered to donate their time and equipment for this process. The free world is indebted to them for their courage and generosity."
Reached for comment in Augusta, GA. at a private golfing event cosponsored by Mobil and Shell Oil, an obviously inebriated President Bush said "...that fuggin' lying piece a shit Saddam...I knowed that fuggin' sumbitch was lyin'...lyin'...liar, liar, pants on fire! HEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! This Bud's fer you, daddy..." before slumping over on the steering wheel of his golf cart.
Sources at the Pentagon estimated the removal would take 70-90 years, at which time the War on Terror would recommence.
by Kevin Carter
