A Gay Letter to Straight America
The truth about the homosexual agenda...
Dear fellow Americans:
Although I live in Los Angeles, I feel compelled to write to you and to your readers. I need to clear up the strange rumors that are circulating about me. First, let's get the facts straight. I teach in an inner city high school. I neither smoke, drink, nor use drugs. I pay taxes. I go to church. I strongly disapprove of teenage sex. I firmly support the family - partially because I have to serve as a surrogate parent to too many teenagers and, as hard as I try, I'm not doing as good a job as I'd like.
I'm also gay.
And, were I to hook up with a Gay Mr. Right and fall in love, I could get never married. In fact, the prospect of my marrying the man I love is such a threat to the public that all sorts of laws and amendments must be passed immediately to prevent me from doing so. Otherwise, the American institution of marriage and family will tumble down like the Walls of Jerico.
If all these allegations are true, I possess more powers than the Wicked West of the West. If I had such supernatural power, believe me, I wouldn't want to break up your family. Had I that much magic, I'd do everything I could to get the homosexual agenda in place throughout this big country of ours.
What is the gay agenda? I was hoping you'd ask. For the record, this gay man's agenda is for all of us to have these basic rights:
1. First of all, we all deserve a fair day's pay for a fair day's work. We deserve fringe benefits like pensions, sick leave, and health insurance. We should have the right to join a union, if we wish, without being threatened by the management. We deserve time off with our families. I am totally against overtime without time and a half as well as off-clock shifts. The American labor force is the most productive work force in the world. So, why do American workers get such a measly share of the corporate pie?
2. As a teacher, I'd definitely want quality education for your children for free. If our children want to go to college, and have the grades, they should not be turned away because they can't afford the tuition.
3. We all deserve quality medical care - the same type of medical care that your Congressman enjoys. Elderly people should not have to chose between food and medicine either -- which unfortunately is now the case -- even with so-called Medicare reform. Sick and injured people should devote their energies into getting well - not into how to pay the medical bills.
4. I also think our children should inherit a world that's in better shape than the one we've got right now. We should be able to enjoy seafood without worrying about mercury, and our children should be able to drink a glass of milk without BST. Clean air and safe drinking water is everyone's God given right.
5. We all have a right to our day in court. Although I don't wish any ill on any one, if we are a victim of consumer fraud, if we get sick or injured from a faulty product, or if we are cheated by our employer or our HMO -- we should have a right to fight back in court. One can argue about frivolous lawsuits - They do exist, but curbing a few needless lawsuits should not prevent any one from getting the justice that you deserve.
6. Oh And I'd like the same rights as you have, including the right to see the love of my life if he's in the hospital, the right to include his name on my HMO -- no questions asked, the right to book a honeymoon suite at Niagra Falls without eliciting raised eyebrows, the right to file joint tax returns with the appropriate tax benefits -- and yes, like you, the right to stand before the altar of God in the house of worship of my choice, and to pledge to cherish, love, treasure, and honor the man I love until death do us part.
And that's the nefarious homosexual agenda I would zap into existence if I had magic powers. In fact, I really wouldn't mind heteros' calling me a “fairy” if I could get a magic wand as a sort of fringe benefit. . But for real, you don't need an L.A. fairy - with or without a magic wand. You have the power .You have the right to vote and neither your boss, nor K-Fox News needs to know how you voted. . I realize that gay marriage, gays themselves, and even this letter may terrify you, but when you calm down enough to count, just look at the records of the folks who want your vote. Look at the list I've given you. Don't be afraid -- Demand what you deserve. And if the folks representing you give you a run-around -- vote for someone else.
Yours truly,
William Joseph Miller
